The simple act of turning the page of my daily flip calendar to October 1 st was painful. It reminded me that this October, my arms and my womb are empty. The month of golden leaves, rustling cornstalks, and all things pumpkin was supposed to herald the arrival of our firstborn. Instead of packing a hospital bag, decorating the nursery, and washing little outfits in preparation for birth, our lives go about their usual routines. Baby items are stored out of sight in the attic. My belly is not large and swollen with child. The glory of autumn is shadowed by the reminder that this October will not usher in the joyous, life-changing event we once hoped for.